Spiritual teacher and Vedanta expert, SA Sreedharan, offers insights into the mystery of love
Everyone wants to be accepted and loved but the question is, to what extent? For instance, are we willing to take on anyone that comes our way simply to alleviate loneliness or to fill a void in our own life? In order to experience real love, both parties need to consciously aspire to be in a relationship; it should be a carefully considered decision rather than something two people just fall into by chance.
Being in a relationship for show or because you are too scared of being alone is foolish – you are only cheating yourself in the end. In the same vein, being in a relationship and giving up one’s own sense of happiness is not worth the time either. The inconvenient truth is this: many relationships deteriorate with time; just as muscle strength reduces over a long period of under usage. The principle is the same – muscles are built and maintained by consistent exercise while relationships need to be nurtured regularly to keep them fresh and strong. The tips I’m about to share with you, will remind you of the courtship or honeymoon phase of a relationship, but it’s surprising how many couples fail to employ them on a regular basis to keep their romance thriving.
TIPS TO KEEP LOVE ALIVE
1. It’s important to maintain eye contact with each other. When you look deeply into someone else’s eyes, you’re communicating a powerful commitment, a presence of mind that says, “I am here for you, I am listening to you, I am interested in you.” Eye contact with each other is usually one of the first things to go and it’s virtually imperceptible; most couples don’t even realize that they go for days without actually looking into each other’s eyes.
2. Always let your partner know that he or she is important to you. You may like to verbalize it or you might express it in other ways, it’s up to you, but make sure that you consistently send signals to convey that you appreciate having him or her in your life. Don’t take anything for granted. Appreciate every little thing your loved one does for you, whether it’s cooking your favourite dish, doing the laundry or cuddling in bed. All the things they do for you (that they really don’t have to) are little reminders of how much you mean to them. Don’t be deaf to these reminders.
3. Keep up physical contact with each other; I don’t mean just sex. Small gestures like hugs, gentle hand squeezes, your arm around her waist during walks or head/foot massages send powerful, reinforcing messages that help keep the affection, passion and intimacy vibrant.
4. Don’t bring the stresses of the workplace to your home. Certainly your partner should lend a sympathetic ear when you really need to let out your frustrations, but consistently complaining conveys that you’re using him or her as a dumping ground for your problems. It also sends out the message that you don’t respect the relationship enough to give it the tenderness it deserves.
5. It’s important to allow your partner to have some space so he or she can evolve mentally, emotionally and spiritually. True love encourages respect, freedom and growth in the other person. The beauty of unconditional love is that you feel secure enough to allow your partner to be his or her true self. In an unbalanced, selfish relationship, conflict and drama will always exist and this in turn hinders individual self-development. The trick is to attract someone into your life that enhances rather than obstructs your life purpose.
Relationships are investments and they can yield great returns or net great losses. One of the most significant investments we will make in our lifetime is in marriage or a long-term partnership. Another is buying a home. Though they may seem like an unlikely parallel, in these tough economic times, the rate of home foreclosure is starting to look like the rate of divorce. Why? When buying a home, as in relationships, too many of us fail to budget. We look at what we think we deserve and don’t take the responsibility of assessing what we can financially or emotionally afford. We expect a home to have walls, windows and doors and yet often we bypass these basic foundations and focus our attention on the add-on features, the things that give the house character. Are there walk-in closets or Jacuzzis? A beautiful home that sits on a faulty foundation will only run into trouble later on down the road. Likewise, a relationship based on shallow reasons is hardly a good investment. Learning how to properly recognize and assess a potential love interest is key, especially when looking to invest long-term.
For information on upcoming workshops or lectures, contact sree@vedantaworld.org
