Virtual Intimacy
Despite being more digitally connected than ever before, experts say we are facing an epidemic of loneliness. This sense of isolation is paradoxical and the ‘alone yet together phenomenon’ has created a new form of agitated loneliness. It’s the disease of the digital age.
In his book Becoming Human, Jean Vanier sums up loneliness as: “feeling unwanted and unloved and therefore unloveable. Loneliness is a taste of death. No wonder some people who are desperately lonely lose themselves in mental illness or violence to forget the inner pain.” A person who is truly lonely loses a sense of place in the world. They feel as though nothing they do has any meaning or influence. People in these situations are adrift and unless someone is able to help them find their value or their worth they will spiral downward to a point where they can lose any feelings of compassion or care for themselves or for others.
As humans we’re naturally social creatures who crave genuine, unpretentious and satisfying connections. When we were kids in the playground, we were free-spirited, open-hearted and naturally bonded with our friends. As adults, we create all these social pretenses, fronts and barriers and in doing so, we find it harder to have real connections with others.
Social networks are deceptively enticing because they offer an immediate sense of validation, reassurance and ‘belonging’. At the click of a mouse, we can quickly quell any sense of emptiness or separation. It’s easy to fall into the trap of giving it more importance than face-to-face interaction. There’s also the ego-boosting power of social networks to consider. An Instagrammed selfie can garner a huge number of likes in under ten minutes. Scientists say this response can create an immediate rush of dopamine to the brain. Hiding behind a screen offers a degree of security too. You can project almost whatever image you wish to. Over time, social networks create a false sense of empowerment.
Online chatting means you don’t need to deal with the demands of real and sometimes flawed relationships. For millions this hassle-free, quick fix interaction has become a habit. Today, life events are conveyed online. So instead of calling your close university friend to tell her you’re engaged, she finds out on your Facebook wall.
Studies say that habitual online users end up feeling lonelier than ever. The trouble with constant connectivity is the deceptive illusion of authentic human bonding. In reality it is a shabby substitute for substance, depth and real intimacy.
BE A MASTER NOT A SLAVE TO TECHNOLOGY
*People who you are with in reality should always take precedence over those vying for attention and floating in virtual space. Be present with your partner and or friend at meal times or when you’re having a conversation with them. This is not just common basic decency, you’re saying to the person you’re with, “I respect you enough to give you my full attention”. Being fully present also helps to encourage a feeling of warmth, empathy and compassion.
*Turn off your phone and laptop in the bedroom. According to several studies, using your iPad before bedtime can disrupt your sleep patterns. The blue light emitted via computer screens suppresses the production of melatonin, the brain chemical that helps us to fall asleep. In addition to insomnia, viewing your laptop regularly in the bedroom can also sabotage your sex life. According to marriage counsellors, this is a common complaint in relationships. No-one wants to feel ignored by their lover. If you keep the bedroom for sleeping and making out, then the energy is conducive to having great sex as well as a good night’s sleep.
*Learn to relish the freedom of turning off your gadgets on holiday. At first you may experience withdrawal symptoms but then after awhile you will start enjoying the freedom. If you feel yourself slipping into the abyss of the web, start installing software like Self Control on your Mac.
Stay Zen!
P.S. I do realize the irony of you reading this online!
