Spiritual teacher and Vedanta expert, SA Sreedharan, explains why life becomes easier when you learn how to forgive
Forgiveness is a sign of inner strength and calmness. It is a mature response and a mark of one’s higher understanding and spiritual evolution. The need for forgiveness arises, when someone bears us ill will or has been the cause of harm to us. When someone lacks an understanding, he or she might develop a resentful or a revengeful attitude towards that person.
Forgiveness is inherent in one who is spiritually evolved. Those of us who are on the spiritual path must try to understand and imbibe this beautiful quality within ourselves. We fail to forgive others when we view experiences from an egoistical standpoint. And instead feel angry with those who cut across our path. But this reaction is really belittling ourselves.
The grandeur of a human being lies in viewing experiences from an impersonal, larger point of view, rather than from one’s own personal interest. A true understanding of human nature will help us in being more forgiving in our attitudes.
A person who chooses to harm us or another is usually prompted by their own insecurities and weaknesses. This trait is clearly seen in animals. For instance, a ferocious animal such as a tiger attacks only when it is weak with hunger or if it senses danger. And a snake will attack if we step on it and it feels frightened, otherwise it will simply slide over our feet gently. The same goes for humans who act aggressively. Their inward deficiency shows up in outward aggression. An incident in the life of Mohammad Ali, the boxing world champion, was recorded by a video camera in a shopping mall in USA. Mohammad Ali happened to collide with a person in a crowded shopping mall. The other person was short and puny in comparison to the well-built boxer. While Mohammad Ali bowed and apologised, the little guy turned aggressive and snapped, rapping him on the shoulders saying he is ought to watch where he is going. Mohammad Ali bowed and apologised again. A classic reaction from someone who is mentally strong and someone who is less so.
Forgiveness is the trait of the strong. It is the weak who usually lash out at others. A cowardly person considers the whole world to be a threat. Such a person will strike whenever she or he can to overcome the presumed threat. Then if we retaliate in any form, we simply reinforce their feeling of being threatened, and justify their fears. While we shouldn’t condone uncalled for behaviour, it’s far more productive to control our reactions and assure people of our good and harmonious intentions. When we instil confidence in others, it is likely to calm any aggressive behaviour.
Next time we are prompted to judge someone’s behaviour, let us pause and reflect on our own imperfections. To a large extent, each person is bound to his or her own nature and some people are a slave to their habits (think gluttony or smoking). Just as we find it difficult to overcome our own weaknesses, so do others.
We all have constraints under which we function. This does not mean that we justify our own or another’s wrong behaviour. If we find actions of others harmful we can either make a decision to avoid being around them or we can try to set things right. Having a sympathetic and loving attitude, always paves the way to better relationships.
Relationships thrive when the wounded are merciful. Life becomes easier when you start forgiving. It takes a lot of energy to keep a grudge alive and if you hold onto bitterness, you only end up poisoning yourself. We must aim to mend and heal our relationships rather than settling scores. We must also remember to forgive ourselves. Once we start practising an attitude of forgiveness; this noble quality paves the way to spiritual wellbeing.
For information on upcoming workshops or lectures, contact sree@vedantaworld.org
