24-Hour Foreplay
Cyntha Gonzalez, a Human Relations Coach and Holotropic Breathwork facilitator who has lived in Peru and actively studied with indigenous healers, discusses the art of tantric foreplay
Tantra claims to be the ticket to prolonged sex and impressive staying power, however its true meaning goes far beyond that. In Sanskrit, Tantra actually means to weave and merge, so as to reach a rapturous union. According to the mystic Osho, Tantra is the science of transforming ordinary lovers into soul mates. This can happen by approaching sexuality as a sacred art form – merging flirting, foreplay and the ache for a deep connection to awaken and satisfy the body and soul.
In Tantra (aka Sacred Sexuality) 24-hour foreplay is a practice unto itself. It invites us into an expanded deliciousness, preparing us for a more heightened, satisfying intimacy. In our busy culture, Tantra is a way of really slowing sex down. The breath is deliberate – in oneself and between partners. Touch is conscious and declares, “I’m right here and I’m going nowhere” – in the giving and receiving. Eyes are often open and they dare to see and be seen. When radical honesty reveals its scary truth, the ego is sacrificed in return for a deeper love. Emotions rise and their waves are skillfully ridden – no matter how frightening or unleashed they become. Desire is moved beyond the genitals, down the legs, up into the heart and progressively upwards through the head – in oneself and eventually together with one’s partner.
To play this larger range of sexual relating with any regularity, 24-hour foreplay is a practice that opens and reassures. It cultivates the fodder of trust that nourishes the capacity to let down. It fuels a driving ‘presence’ that is enticing and exciting, begging for more. Here are some tantric tips (from the female’s perspective) on how to kick-start this sacred simmering…
BEING PRESENT:
My partner and I have the ritual of recounting our day’s events. Tonight he has an important work deadline to finish and isn’t free for our chat. He doesn’t pretend to be listening with platitudes of “Uh-huh” while concentrating on his laptop screen. Instead he looks into my eyes and tells me, “Honey, once I am done with this work, I am going to give you my full attention and I want to hear how your day went.” He invites me into maturity to weather this delay. When he follows through, he proves his trustworthiness – to his employer and to me. I will then have a better chance of letting down any barriers and opening to him physically because my body knows he is safe and reliable.
On another day, I get back from work after him. I ask him how the big board meeting went but I see that he actually just arrived home himself and is itchy for some space and time. I give it to him. He feels appreciated, seen and important to me. As a result, he wants to give even more undivided attention to me when he re-emerges.
PRACTICAL RELIABILITY:
He promises to collect our daughter from late after-school piano practice and stop for my dry-cleaning. I tell him that I will make the plane reservations for our holiday before the prices go too high. If we don’t do these things, disappointment and resentment dampen the fire of desire for each other. When we do, we see consistency and dare to open to each other even more.
TRUTH-TELLING:
Our bodies never lie and are barometers to the fluctuations of life in all forms. I ignored my partner at last night’s dinner party and things are still not set right. I see he wants to bring it up. I am going to need to come out with it eventually. This is scary, shaky ground. It is meant to be unstable. Speaking truth matures and stretches both of us – whether telling it or hearing it. When hard truths are held back, our vital energy goes into maintaining a restraining dam instead of irrigating our relationship. When those mean rapids of transparency are braved, we trust each other to a greater level and an enticing excitement is ignited. When such intimate truths are aired, the below can flow better:
REASSURING, PRESENT TOUCH:
I am brushing my teeth. He comes in and places his hand on my shoulder and wishes me good luck with the interview I have at 10am. Another day, I place my hand on the back of his heart and say with a knowing smile, “I am sorry that our son wants to go out with his friends rather than go surfing with you. It’s part of letting him go and I know it’s hard.”
SENSUAL, TEASING TOUCH:
He begins to serve me some more salad at dinner and lets his arm linger against mine before he places it on my plate. “Did he do that intentionally? Does he know what he is up to?” He desires me. He’s teasing me. I am intrigued. Later, he’s intently watching a sports You Tube video on our desktop. I need a book from the shelf above the desk. I press against his back. I slowly breathe down my front and down his back. I take the book and I leave him eager. Wanting more.
ACTS OF DEVOTION:
You love me. I love you. We know it but we must nurture it. I stop at the grocery store to pick up a few items. I see your favourite international newspaper that you rarely buy for yourself and place it on your lap upon my return. I go off for a two-day business trip. You fill up my car with petrol and have it washed and then leave a note on my seat saying, “I love you”. The next morning, I discover this, smile and feel on top of the world.
KNOWING, LASER EYES:
We take opportunities throughout the day to catch the eye of the other. You suddenly penetrate my gaze. I generously take in your unwavering beam. Full, prolonged breath. No words. No acting on the connection. Yet. Stoking the humming desire.
This fine dance of unswerving presence, relaxed opening and the sweetest devotion simmer us all day long until we finally let wave after wave of ecstasy claim and transport our exposed hearts, open bodies and surrendered souls.
For more information go to www.cynthagonzalez.com
