With thanks to Faddic for the above painting entitled Past, Present and Future. For purchase enquiries email sarah@oncloudzen.com
Love’s Inextinguishable Light by Cyntha Gonzalez
To My Man,
My love for you is fierce, invincible and dances continually the fine line of what is acceptable and what is not.
I know you battle dark demons in darker dungeons within. I see and feel your overwhelmedness in navigating such intrepid forces. I am not scared of this impenetrable, dense, dark cloud of caught self-attack. I’ve come to be your fearless ambassador to war-torn zones of your tortured psyche and seared heart. Your past circumstances are deceivingly not that intense – but you and I know your inner reality is.
And time and time again, I feel called to hold a lantern of an inextinguishable light to the dark labyrinth you far too often get tormentingly trapped in. Each descent seems to be an arduous testing obstacle course for both of us, laden with rage, confusion, vengeance, resentment, fear, betrayal and yes, self-hate, that proves – despite the wounding wake left behind, that this persevering Light of the Sweetest, most Tender and Knowing Love is repeatedly all there really is. It is a Love that unites us and takes us into realms of Blinding Ecstatic Bliss over and over again, healing layers that the conscious mind glimpses in the brief after moment.
I Love you dear Man. I Love You.
For a change, I am compelled to bow to the Devil in you, with my whole body in supplication to you. As I sustain this bow, as trying as it can be, I bow to the Light and Love that remains amidst the tenacious tentacles of self-loathing and fear that I am less and less tricked by. I also bow deeply to these valuable vipers, because they take me to a humble knowing of what real Love is.
I remember what a respected Indian swami would pray for: to incarnate in circumstances where he would be presented with the illusion of the lack of love, so to have to find it despite its hiding games.
So a new tactic overcomes me in your latest descent: I don’t even try to rationalize with the irrational. I only Love. It lately has been without any effort – once the initial sting fades. It simply is the most natural, inevitable reflex – to just love you. I am amazed by the ease in which this love flows. Even surprised. No mind to intend it. It just comes and flows. Much like the wetness between my legs. All defenses and arguments of self-preservation are flooded over and whooshed away as what is True and Real confidently takes its rightful place.
So my Tonto Love, you spent your 20s, 30s and 40s refining the art of masterfully working with the business realms of this world and your gorgeous, virile physique. It now seems it’s time to master the art of tempering your tempestuous unconscious by finally embracing your vulnerable, emotional waters and your surrendering to your wise spiritual nature.
When the student is ready, the teacher comes.
And my Beloved Trickster Mirror, don’t forget, it works both ways…
